Dallin and Laurelin.

Wow how time flies when you are just loving your babies.  I can not believe that they will be 8 months in 6 days. 

The twins were born on May 20, 2014.  Dallin was born at 6:20pm and Laurelin was born at 6:33 pm.  They were born at 36 weeks 3 days.  Dallin was 5lbs 4oz and Laurelin was 5lbs 3 oz. 

Dallin now ways 18+ pounds and Laurelin is 14+pounds. 

Dallin and Laurelin

I am 34 weeks and 6 days pregnant with twins.

We are having a boy and a girl.

Dallin and Laurelin. 

We are super excited. 

We went through a lot of heartache to get them here. 

They are so wanted and loved already. 

No more than 3 weeks until we get to meet them.

Hold them, kiss them.

This month also Joshua turns 7 on May 19th.

Caleb turns 14 on May 24th.

Marysa turns 12 on May 28th. 

When the babies come 5 of my 7 kids will have birthday's in May. 

This Blog is being done by Andrew so it won't be as good as Danette's but here I go:


How Life Has Been Lately......
Our Son Caleb has got sick almost 2 weeks ago. We first thought it was the flu. He had a hard time eating. It hurt so bad going down his throat that he wouldn't eat. Those who know Caleb know this is a big thing for him. He lost enough weight that they put him in the hospital to hydrate him and get him eating. After many tests, a transfer to Primary Childrens hospital in Salt Lake City , and an operation that used scoped his throat they found he had blisters down his esophagus they think are related to cold sores(they are still doing tests on a sample they took to confirm this). They put him on a medicine to help this and he is doing way better. He left the hospital on Saturday hydrated and eating. The pain is still there but not very strong. He is eating and should be well enough to start school this Thursday.

There were many people who asked about this and expressed support. Thank you to Amber(Danette's sister) for baby sitting, Sister Gilbert for the food, and Trudy, Sister Livingston(I am bad with names so I am sorry if I messed this up!), and Sister Pratt for help cleaning the house, and Darwin and Wanda and Amber for transportation help. It looked Nice. I could have done better getting the word out. Thank you to you all for the support and prayers!! It really means a lot!

Fun for the Rest of us
Marysa, Azalea, Joshua, and Eli were very patient last week. Marysa showed lots of confidence and competence in those times that she spent watching the kids while Me and Danette were with Caleb. Before this came up we had scheduled with My Dad and Uncle, My brother Peter and his wife Julie, and our family to visit my Uncles cabin. I felt the healthy four deserved fun so I left Primary childrens on Friday night so we could spend Saturday at the cabin.

The day started out lucky: With a double yolk egg:

We had lots of fun riding horses

Eli rode a horse hanging onto Marysa but I didn't get a picture. I got this picture. My uncle made Marysa and Azalea not wear sandles. Eli saw them trying on cowboy boots and had to participate. He was quite mad that we didn't let him wear the boots in the picture outside and around the horses.

 

 

I forgot you can't ride a horse in a skirt(I really missed Danette not being there). So Azalea borrowed some pants. I love this picture by the way.

 

 

We also went tubing in a ice cold stream.

 

ELI

It is Eli's birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I know Danette has already done something on facebook, but I thought I would add that Eli has the ability to fall asleep almost everywhere and in any position. Remember we didn't pose or effect these positions in anyway. He did this all by himself. Each one of these occurred on a different day:

 

We'll start off Normal. I included this because it is cute.

 

 

 Caleb is asleep in the first but not the second(he just looks like it. It is the angle to TV. Why move kids who will sleep on the couch all night?)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life is hard.

I wish I could explain well how life has been hard.  First off I know I have many blessings.  Yet life has still be really hard.

Especially the last month.  

On June 1st we found out we where expecting again.  Are baby was due February 11.  I have always wanted a February baby.  I don't really know why I just have.  Things where going good at first. Really good.  My last two miscarriages before this ended at 5 1/2 weeks.  This time things looked at six weeks. 

I flew to Texas on June 20th to be with my parents and siblings.  It was to be a fun time, but it really wasn't. 

On June 22 at about 2 am I could felt a gush of blood.  It was scary.  It stopped as fast as it started.  I called the Doctor in the morning and was told to stay in bed, and if I started bleeding again that I should go straight to the er.  At about noon it started again.  So off to the ER I went.  It took  7 hours to fully be seen.  They did an ultra sound and there was a baby and a heart beat.  The baby was measuring about 4 days short.  They told me things looked well.

I got back into Payson on the 26th.  On the 27th I went to see my Doctor.  A ultra sound was done and there was a baby.  It was now about 6 days behind.  It also had a low heart beat.  I was told at this time that it was a 50/50 chance I would miscarry. 

It was a long week.  A lot of prayer was said in hopes that the baby would live and grow well.

On July 5th we went to see the doctor again.  They did an ultra sound.  This time there was no heart beat the baby was dead. 

On July 17th almost 2 weeks after we found out the baby had died, I had a D&C because my body had not passed the baby yet. 

It has been one week since, my baby left.  It has been a hard hard week. 

Emotionally, spiritually, physically. 

Life has been hard for almost 2 years now.  I am coming up on the 2 year anniversary of my brain tumor.  I am also coming up on the one year anniversary of a miscarriage.  I am coming up on the due date of another miscarriage I had back in February.  I miscarried on August 20th 2012, I miscarried on January 1st 2013, that baby was due August 28th. 

I am angry.  Mostly at God.  This is just the tip of the ice burg about what the last two years have been like.  I have been spiritually struggling for the last two years.  I pray, I read my scriptures, I pay my tithing, I go to the temple.  I am still struggling. 

I don't want to hide anymore that I am struggling.   I am.  I feel deceived. I feel bullied.  I feel like I am just not good enough.

I keep wondering.  How did I get to this point.  How is it that I was raised in the Church.  I have always gone.  I have always tried (most of the time) to do what is right. 

Yet I feel like God doesn't like me.  I have a low self esteem.  I feel like the sorry one.  The one everyone is sorry for in the ward.  The one that needs lot and lots of help. 

I am lost.  I feel like a baby when it comes to the Gospel.  I don't understand a lot of it.  I feel like I misunderstood everything I was ever taught. 

Life is hard.   

Birthday Month.

It is birthday month at our house.  3 of my 5 kids birthdays are in May.


Joshua Keith turned 6 this past Sunday.  He was born at 4:45am on May 19th 2007.  Joshua still likes to suck his finger and twist his hair while he is sucking his finger.  He may not read very well yet but he can watch you do one thing on the computer and than do it himself.

                                               Joshua saw me do this picture for him.

Josh went and did this picture all by himself.  His sister did help him spell the words.  Joshua started from the beginning.  He got himself on the internet found Ipiccy.  He did this all by himself.   He is like his dad and he just gets the computer.  He still loves to sit on my lap.  He loves watermelon.  He loves get a  quick ride from his Grandpa Ottosen's  motorcycle. 

Caleb Nephi turns 13 today.  He was born at 4:19am on May 24, 2000.  I still can not believe that I am officially the mother of a teenager.  I do not feel old enough.  He is such a great kid.  He was student of the month in February at his school.  All of his teachers love him.  He helps me out when I need it.  He is taller than me.  It feels like 5 inches but it may be only 2.  He loves BYU.  He struggles with reading but he still loves school.   He is kind to everyone.  Maybe one of the reasons I am somewhat scared of teenage years is because Caleb still has that innocence about him.  He loves playing soccer.  He loves mindcraft on the computer . 

 

 

Marysa Madeline turns 11 on May 28.  She was born at 11:37am on May 28th 2002.  She was 4 days over due.  She was due on her brother Caleb's birthday.  Marysa is beautiful.  I look at her and think sometimes how can I be her mom when she is so pretty and I just average.  She loves soccer, and basketball.  I was her coach this year for basketball and soccer only soccer because no other parent would do it.  Basketball because I love basketball.  She reads really, really well.  Her favorite book to read right know the Twilight series.  Boys are starting to really like her, and she is starting to like boys.  Like, like each other.  I am so not ready for this.  She loves to sing.  I think she is pretty good at it too.  She is a great baby sitter. 

 

It may not be their birthday's but because I have not posted here in six months  here is a picture of Eli and Azalea.

                                                            Eli will be 3 in August

 

Azalea is 7 1/2

 

My kids mean the world to me.  I love being their mom.  I feel so blessed and grateful for them.  They are my everything.  I tell my kids all the time how glad I am that I get to be their mom.  I love watching them grow.  I love watching them learn.  I love watching them become who they are, what they love.   The last 9 months have been hard, because I have miscarried twice.  But these kids they keep me going.  They feel my heart. 

Azalea is 7.

Azalea turned 7 on November 17th.  She had a great birthday.  I am so grateful she is my daughter.  Azalea was a long awaited for.  It took me  two years to get pregnant with her.  She is everything.    She has one of the kindest hearts.  She knows when I am sad and will write me "I Love you Mom " notes.  

Today I took her to get a present with the $10 dollars her Grandma and Grandpa Tolman gave her for her birthday.  We went to the dollar store.  She was so kind.  She bought something for her brothers and sister.  Even our cat Lady.  I told her she didn't have to, that the money was hers and to get whatever she wanted.  

Azalea said that she wanted to get her brothers and sister something.  She amazes me.  

Azalea loves butterflies.  She loves all animals.   When I took her to the dollar store today she picked out a nest with fake eggs in it.  She loves, loves animals, bugs.  One of her favorite animals is a snake.  Her absolute favorite animal is a horse.   

                                                        Azalea's eyes are beautiful.

This picture was taken at Devil's Garden.  She loved it.  She ran all over the place.  The rocks where huge she would just run and jump.  At times it scared me so much.   She was in heaven.

I took her and Joshua up Santaquin Canyon.  She loved being there.  Again she was all over the place.  We spent about 3 hours up there and she never complained.  She loves being out doors.

She collected so many leaves this year.  She loved every leaf.  She sees their beauty.

I am so blessed to be her mom.  She someday's drives me crazy, but she is forgiving, she is kind, she is helpful, she shows compassion, and she is amazing.   

Eli, Oh Eli

Eli LOVES the kitchen.  He could spend hours there.  He loves pretending he is making dinner.  He likes pretending he is cleaning the dishes.

A couple of days ago he was pretending to cook.  He likes opening the oven and putting dishes in there.  We are trying to teach him how to be careful around the oven.

Later that night I started dinner. I tuned on the oven.  Eli is really careful when the oven is on.  I was getting dinner ready so I could put it in the oven.  After a while I turned around and saw flames in the oven.  I opened it up and realized that there was 2 plastic containers in the oven.  Eli must have put them there earlier during the day.  It scared me and I told Marysa to take the kids outside while I put the fire out.  Our house smelled like burnt plastic for a long time.

This is what happens when your 2 year old plays in the kitchen.  These plastic containers are destroyed. 

We watch Eli really carefully when we are cooking.  He loves to watch us cook so he is always close by.  But when we are not cooking in the kitchen he pretends he is cooking.  

                      So I will need to check the oven from now on when I cook.  One day Eli will be a great Chef.

Brain tumor year anniversary

My one year anniversary for my brain surgery to remove my brain tumor was on September 15th.

I am doing a lot better than I was a year ago.  I am still having a few side effects of the surgery though.  The left side of my face is still numb.  Yet it is hurts all day everyday.  It feels like you do when you go to the dentist and get numbing shots in your mouth.  At times it feels like when your hand falls a sleep.  It mostly feels like I have a really tight pulling mask on the left side  my face.  If a bug lands on face I don't really feel, but my face all of a sudden freaks out.  It starts tingling.  Even typing about my face right now it is starting to tingle like crazy.  

My left eye still has problems too.  I do not get tears in that I when I cry.  However when I exercise my eye will get tears in it.  However when I exercise my nose on the left side will just run and run and run.  I can't feel it running because I can't really feel that side of my face.  So I know my nose is runny as soon as it hits my mouth and I can taste it.  My vision in my left eye can go from bad to good to bad to good all day long. Thank goodness my right eye has perfect vision.

The good news is that my left eye can move.  Right after my surgery my left eye could not move to the outside   It could move to the inside .  Now my eye moves in both directions.  My eye lid is still a little droopy but it is a lot better than it was a year ago.  

I do have a indent in my face on the left side.  Most people seem to not notice however I noticed it all the time in all the pictures of me.  My left side of my face looks Skinner than the right side of my face.  

My hair has grown.  I am no longer bald. 

This is what I looked like a year ago.  This is the first picture I took of myself. I have taken quite a few of myself over the last year.

This is just a fun picture I took of myself.  I look pretty cool, don't I.  

This is another picture I took.  In this picture you can see my staples.  I had about 35 in my head.  Which by the way because the left side of my face is numb it never hurt having 35 staples in my head.

                                       This picture was taken about a month after my surgery.

This is about 2 months after my surgery.

This picture is about 3 months after surgery.

                                                   This is about 4 months after surgery

This picture is about 5 months after surgery.

This is about 6 months after surgery.  My left eye is starting to look better.  It isn't drooping as much.

I think this is where I like my hair the best.  If I wasn't trying to grow it out to see if I will look good in long hair this is how short I would want my hair to be. 

This is about 7 months.  My eye is starting to look a lot better. My hair is starting to get long.  Ha ha that is long from being bald.

                                              This picture was taken about 8 months.

This picture was taken about 9 months after surgery.

This picture was taken at about 10 months.

This picture was taken at about 11 months after surgery.  I was finally able to pull my hair back in to piggy tails.

This picture was taken about a week after my one year anniversary date.  I can now pull my hair back in one pony tail.  My hair is still in this I really hate it phase, but hopefully soon I will really like having longer hair.  

So overall I am doing great.  I have had a lot of up an downs.  I am able to do everything I want again.  I can play basketball.  I can have a baby if I want too.  Which I do.  In fact I was pregnant but I miscarried about 6 weeks ago.  I was only about 5 weeks pregnant.  I can do anything I want. I am excited that even though I look a little off now and my face hurts still.  At least I am still alive and I can do anything I want.  What I a want to do is be a good mother and wife.  And play basketball and one day become a professional photographer.