This Blog is being done by Andrew so it won't be as good as Danette's but here I go:


How Life Has Been Lately......
Our Son Caleb has got sick almost 2 weeks ago. We first thought it was the flu. He had a hard time eating. It hurt so bad going down his throat that he wouldn't eat. Those who know Caleb know this is a big thing for him. He lost enough weight that they put him in the hospital to hydrate him and get him eating. After many tests, a transfer to Primary Childrens hospital in Salt Lake City , and an operation that used scoped his throat they found he had blisters down his esophagus they think are related to cold sores(they are still doing tests on a sample they took to confirm this). They put him on a medicine to help this and he is doing way better. He left the hospital on Saturday hydrated and eating. The pain is still there but not very strong. He is eating and should be well enough to start school this Thursday.

There were many people who asked about this and expressed support. Thank you to Amber(Danette's sister) for baby sitting, Sister Gilbert for the food, and Trudy, Sister Livingston(I am bad with names so I am sorry if I messed this up!), and Sister Pratt for help cleaning the house, and Darwin and Wanda and Amber for transportation help. It looked Nice. I could have done better getting the word out. Thank you to you all for the support and prayers!! It really means a lot!

Fun for the Rest of us
Marysa, Azalea, Joshua, and Eli were very patient last week. Marysa showed lots of confidence and competence in those times that she spent watching the kids while Me and Danette were with Caleb. Before this came up we had scheduled with My Dad and Uncle, My brother Peter and his wife Julie, and our family to visit my Uncles cabin. I felt the healthy four deserved fun so I left Primary childrens on Friday night so we could spend Saturday at the cabin.

The day started out lucky: With a double yolk egg:

We had lots of fun riding horses

Eli rode a horse hanging onto Marysa but I didn't get a picture. I got this picture. My uncle made Marysa and Azalea not wear sandles. Eli saw them trying on cowboy boots and had to participate. He was quite mad that we didn't let him wear the boots in the picture outside and around the horses.

 

 

I forgot you can't ride a horse in a skirt(I really missed Danette not being there). So Azalea borrowed some pants. I love this picture by the way.

 

 

We also went tubing in a ice cold stream.

 

ELI

It is Eli's birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I know Danette has already done something on facebook, but I thought I would add that Eli has the ability to fall asleep almost everywhere and in any position. Remember we didn't pose or effect these positions in anyway. He did this all by himself. Each one of these occurred on a different day:

 

We'll start off Normal. I included this because it is cute.

 

 

 Caleb is asleep in the first but not the second(he just looks like it. It is the angle to TV. Why move kids who will sleep on the couch all night?)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life is hard.

I wish I could explain well how life has been hard.  First off I know I have many blessings.  Yet life has still be really hard.

Especially the last month.  

On June 1st we found out we where expecting again.  Are baby was due February 11.  I have always wanted a February baby.  I don't really know why I just have.  Things where going good at first. Really good.  My last two miscarriages before this ended at 5 1/2 weeks.  This time things looked at six weeks. 

I flew to Texas on June 20th to be with my parents and siblings.  It was to be a fun time, but it really wasn't. 

On June 22 at about 2 am I could felt a gush of blood.  It was scary.  It stopped as fast as it started.  I called the Doctor in the morning and was told to stay in bed, and if I started bleeding again that I should go straight to the er.  At about noon it started again.  So off to the ER I went.  It took  7 hours to fully be seen.  They did an ultra sound and there was a baby and a heart beat.  The baby was measuring about 4 days short.  They told me things looked well.

I got back into Payson on the 26th.  On the 27th I went to see my Doctor.  A ultra sound was done and there was a baby.  It was now about 6 days behind.  It also had a low heart beat.  I was told at this time that it was a 50/50 chance I would miscarry. 

It was a long week.  A lot of prayer was said in hopes that the baby would live and grow well.

On July 5th we went to see the doctor again.  They did an ultra sound.  This time there was no heart beat the baby was dead. 

On July 17th almost 2 weeks after we found out the baby had died, I had a D&C because my body had not passed the baby yet. 

It has been one week since, my baby left.  It has been a hard hard week. 

Emotionally, spiritually, physically. 

Life has been hard for almost 2 years now.  I am coming up on the 2 year anniversary of my brain tumor.  I am also coming up on the one year anniversary of a miscarriage.  I am coming up on the due date of another miscarriage I had back in February.  I miscarried on August 20th 2012, I miscarried on January 1st 2013, that baby was due August 28th. 

I am angry.  Mostly at God.  This is just the tip of the ice burg about what the last two years have been like.  I have been spiritually struggling for the last two years.  I pray, I read my scriptures, I pay my tithing, I go to the temple.  I am still struggling. 

I don't want to hide anymore that I am struggling.   I am.  I feel deceived. I feel bullied.  I feel like I am just not good enough.

I keep wondering.  How did I get to this point.  How is it that I was raised in the Church.  I have always gone.  I have always tried (most of the time) to do what is right. 

Yet I feel like God doesn't like me.  I have a low self esteem.  I feel like the sorry one.  The one everyone is sorry for in the ward.  The one that needs lot and lots of help. 

I am lost.  I feel like a baby when it comes to the Gospel.  I don't understand a lot of it.  I feel like I misunderstood everything I was ever taught. 

Life is hard.   

Birthday Month.

It is birthday month at our house.  3 of my 5 kids birthdays are in May.


Joshua Keith turned 6 this past Sunday.  He was born at 4:45am on May 19th 2007.  Joshua still likes to suck his finger and twist his hair while he is sucking his finger.  He may not read very well yet but he can watch you do one thing on the computer and than do it himself.

                                               Joshua saw me do this picture for him.

Josh went and did this picture all by himself.  His sister did help him spell the words.  Joshua started from the beginning.  He got himself on the internet found Ipiccy.  He did this all by himself.   He is like his dad and he just gets the computer.  He still loves to sit on my lap.  He loves watermelon.  He loves get a  quick ride from his Grandpa Ottosen's  motorcycle. 

Caleb Nephi turns 13 today.  He was born at 4:19am on May 24, 2000.  I still can not believe that I am officially the mother of a teenager.  I do not feel old enough.  He is such a great kid.  He was student of the month in February at his school.  All of his teachers love him.  He helps me out when I need it.  He is taller than me.  It feels like 5 inches but it may be only 2.  He loves BYU.  He struggles with reading but he still loves school.   He is kind to everyone.  Maybe one of the reasons I am somewhat scared of teenage years is because Caleb still has that innocence about him.  He loves playing soccer.  He loves mindcraft on the computer . 

 

 

Marysa Madeline turns 11 on May 28.  She was born at 11:37am on May 28th 2002.  She was 4 days over due.  She was due on her brother Caleb's birthday.  Marysa is beautiful.  I look at her and think sometimes how can I be her mom when she is so pretty and I just average.  She loves soccer, and basketball.  I was her coach this year for basketball and soccer only soccer because no other parent would do it.  Basketball because I love basketball.  She reads really, really well.  Her favorite book to read right know the Twilight series.  Boys are starting to really like her, and she is starting to like boys.  Like, like each other.  I am so not ready for this.  She loves to sing.  I think she is pretty good at it too.  She is a great baby sitter. 

 

It may not be their birthday's but because I have not posted here in six months  here is a picture of Eli and Azalea.

                                                            Eli will be 3 in August

 

Azalea is 7 1/2

 

My kids mean the world to me.  I love being their mom.  I feel so blessed and grateful for them.  They are my everything.  I tell my kids all the time how glad I am that I get to be their mom.  I love watching them grow.  I love watching them learn.  I love watching them become who they are, what they love.   The last 9 months have been hard, because I have miscarried twice.  But these kids they keep me going.  They feel my heart.