My heart aches so much at this moment. Maybe from the start I new something was wrong. I have been so nervous for this day to come for awhile. I was not excited for summer to come.
Today was suppose to be a happy day. I was going to go to the doctor and finally be able to hear the babies heart beat. Marysa came with me. As I was sitting on the table waiting for the doctor the moment he opened the door my heart sank.
He searched for the heart beat but could not hear it. So he took me to another room to see if we could find it on the ultra sound. It was a old machine so he sent me clear across town to get a better ultra sound done. The ultra sound tech could not find one.
The baby grew to about 11 weeks 4 days. I am 13 weeks 4 days. I will have a D&C on Thursday.
I want to say that I will be okay. I am not sure. My heart aches so bad. This is my 3rd miscarriage I know what to expect. I keep wondering what is wrong with me. Why does this keep happening to me? Did I do something wrong?
Questions lots and lots of questions. So many feeling. I keep thinking what if I Can't do this.
So please be patient with me while I am going through this trial. I will try to have faith.
Ironic thing is coming Sunday at church I was suppose to give a talk on adversity. I will not be doing that now that would just be way to hard. Last night I read 4 articles from the May Ensign on Adversity. I went to bed crying thinking how awful I handle my last miscarriage how I was so angry and bitter. Thinking how can I do this talk when I failed so bad last time I miscarried. I hope I get it right the 3rd time around. I want to say that I can handle it. I am not sure.
Random April and May Pictures
3 days ago
7 comments:
Our trials are tailor-made for each of us. The Lord knows what He's doing, and we really don't. I have to keep telling myself this when I'm faced with something I don't like. You are loved!
Danette--You CAN do this. You were such a sweet support to me when I was going through my miscarriage. You are a strong lady, I think we are ALL stronger than we can even understand. I know you have heard this plenty, but things really do happen for a reason. Maybe through the tests the do they will find something that they wouldn't have otherwise. Or maybe they will find nothing, and you will still be ok. Not great for a while, but you will get through it. It sucks. I hate that this had to happen to you again. I wish there was some magical thing I could say, but please know you are in my prayers. And I am sure many others. You know, my husband and I have grown a lot closer thru all of this, and I know he has a greater appreciation for me, and our children now. If nothing else, maybe it will be a help to you in ways you may not have even known you needed. *hugs*
Danette,
My heart is breaking for you. I know how hard this is on you, but I also know you can make it through this. It won't be any easier, I'm sure, but you can do it. One thing that helped me was reading the words to "How Firm A Foundation." Read every verse. I know it isn't a fix-all, but it gave me comfort.
Know that nothing is wrong with you. Your family and friends love you and the Lord loves you. I know you will make it through. Let me know if you need anything. I'm here for you.
Oh Danette, miscarriage is so difficult and nothing I say will make it any easier. I am so sorry for your loss. I would like to send you something that helped me when I miscarried. Could you send me your address?
Danette,
I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I feel so bad for you, knowing how excited you were for a new addition to your family...I don't know what more to add than what has already been said, except that the Lord truly is all-knowing and sometimes we don't know why things happen the way they do, but when we leave this life and look back on our journey here on Earth, we will have a better understanding. So for now, keep your faith in knowing that you are a daughter of Heavenly Father and know that He is definitely mindful of your pain and heartaches. I will pray for you!
Danette- I am so sorry! I've been crying for you on and off since I read your post on facebook yesterday. I know there isn't really anything I can say that will help, but know that I am praying for you.
-Carrie
Danette- I am so sorry. This must be so difficult for you. I will be thinking of you this week and praying for you. Love you, tiff
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