Heart ache

Yes, here I go again to write about something that is hurting.  I have been thinking about why I have been so sad for.   At this moment my heart aches.   I wonder if  ourselves can bring up feelings from the past.  I just realized that 8 years ago on the 11th of March I found out that my baby had died.  Yes I was only 14 weeks pregnant but my baby had died.  On the 18th of March I delivered to me a prefect beautiful baby.  My heart was so broken.  

Yes,  I maybe crazy, but Andrew and I started trying to get pregnant again.   When and if I do it will be my 9th pregnancy and hopefully my 6th child.  Yesterday I found out I wasn't pregnant.  My heart aches.  I have had feeling that another child is to come to our family.  I have had these feelings come right before I found out I had a brain tumor.

I remember thinking why I kept having these feelings that a child was to come to our house when I new something was wrong with me.  I had this thought that came to me was yes, something is wrong but you will get better fast and this spirit will still come to you.   About 2 weeks later I found out I had a brain tumor.  So even though we have only be trying for the last 3 months,  it feels a lot longer than that.  I had to wait while I recovered from my brain surgery.

Anyways it still makes my heart ache.  I wonder if I am feeling more heart ache because of two things not being pregnant and remembering the loss of my 2nd miscarriage.

I am off to play basketball.  That always seems to help.